I know what you’re thinking….”Anal sex? ARE YOU CRAZY?!” But trust me, there are lots of misconceptions regarding anal, some of which I will try and dispel here. The #1 thing that scares most people about anal sex is thinking that it will hurt. And OK, sure, I wouldn’t be being completely honest if I said it’s a total piece of cake. It’s like someone with tattoos saying, “What? No, it doesn’t hurt at all!” And yes, before you ask, I DO have tattoos. Lots of them, and yes, sometimes getting them hurts, and sometimes it actually feels good. This is the best way I can describe anal. It can be very uncomfortable at times if you do not do it the right way, and other times, it will be unbelievably enjoyable.
The most important thing when thinking adding anal to your repertoire is to be open and honest with your partner, voicing your concerns, desires and opinions. Sex is an extremely intimate act, and anal is no different. Talk things over with your partner, and when you’re ready be sure to take the right steps to make your experience enjoyable. There are many things you can do in preparation for the act itself. Foreplay of course, is a no-brainer. The more foreplay you have, the more revved your engine is going to be, and the more primed your body will get. There are many lubes on the market that you can use to assist making insertion a bit easier – whichever one you choose will depend on what suits the situation best. If you are using a toy, be sure to use a lube that will not damage the integrity of the product. If you are trying it organically, use the one that works best for you. I usually prefer water based lube because I find them to be less sticky.
There are also butt plugs ranging in size from the petite to extremely large widths. Some of the smaller models are so discreet that you can literally wear them under your clothes and go about your day. Utilizing these can really help stretch out the anus gently, and at your own pace, and can also help you to get used to the feeling of having something in the backdoor. A great product is the Dr. Joel’s Anal Dilator Kit. It comes with three units, each one with a bigger width than the next to help you gently, and gradually stretch the anus in preparation for sex. Just use plenty of lube on the product and insertion site, and ease your way to pleasure. Anal Ease can help desensitize the area, helping to ease any initial discomfort you might feel.
If you are still skeptical about using a plug or dilator, you may feel more comfortable starting out with a set of anal beads. Never heard of them? They are exactly what they sound like – a string of graduated beads inserted into the anus in order to aid stretching and stimulation. Most of them are pretty straightforward, going from extremely small to a moderate size, and usually connected to a pull ring at the end, so you don’t have to fear that they can get lost in there. Anal beads can also be a great way to stimulate the prostate in men to help bring them a more powerful orgasm-gently inserting them or pulling them out at just the right time can multiply your pleasure.
When you are ready to move forward, you can try an anal vibrator or prostate massager, depending on your particular need. Some vibrate, some do not. Many are curved at the tip to massage the prostate, which many men find extremely pleasurable. They come in all range of sizes and lengths and are specifically designed to stimulate the sensitive nerves in the anus, bringing about a stronger orgasm. Where you go with it all depends on you level of comfort.
And now, for the real nitty-gritty. Getting down and dirty the good old fashioned way! It definitely helps the situation if your back door is lubed up – whether you use lube, your body’s own natural fluids, or even spit – I like to subscribe to the phrase, “Wetter is better.” The more slippery you/your partner are, the easier initial insertion will be. After engaging for a while, your body’s own fluids will take over. There are a few standard positions you can engage in during anal sex (but feel free to get creative). There’s the one everyone thinks of first when picturing anal, which is the doggy-style rear entry. Many women prefer this style because it is fairly easy to stimulate the female G-Spot from this position, and to simultaneously stimulate the clitoris as well. The next is the “cowgirl/boy” position, which is of course, one partner straddled on top of the other. This position is great for the rider because it gives them maximum control over how deep the penis goes, how fast the thrusting is (start off lowering down slowly, and really work your way into it), and leaves them hands free in order to stimulate the clitoris, balls, or their own penis at the same time. Lastly, there is the standard missionary position where one person lays on their back, and the other is on top. Personally, this one works best for me – I feel less discomfort, can grind my clit against my partner, and the intimacy of being face to face ups the enjoyment factor for me. Being able to kiss and communicate and laugh and play during sex are all important factors in contributing to my having an orgasm, which makes this my favorite anal sex situation.
Whatever route you decide to choose in your butt play adventure, just be patient with yourself, try new things, and always communicate openly with your partner about what is, or what is not working for you. If you stick by these rules, you can’t go wrong.
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